I just don't trust pink, heart-shaped, chocolate-stuffed boxes.

Maybe that's why Valentine's never felt right.

Or maybe I'm old fashioned and self-rightouse and don't believe in a holiday that says "hey, you know how you take that special someone for granted 364 days of the year? Well make February 14th different. Go buy them some flowers."

There was something shifty and fake about V-Day for me all these years...

It turns out I was right.

Valentine's is a lying, two-timing, slime-ball.

   ("Slime-ball": A term used through-out the 80s. Mostly while wearing a sweater wrapped and tied around your hip.)

Let me Tarantino this for a second...

I'm writing and posting this on February 15th.

NOT on the "day of"!

Because contrary to what angry, lonely women think: not ALL men are pigs. (Just most of us).

And it would be very rotten and piggish of me to rain truth on everyone's February 14th parade.

Example: You don't go to a kid's birthday party and start popping his Happy Birthday balloons.

That's just rude.

And Genie's know better.

Thanks to Genie ethics classes. (It was the class right before "Carpet Flying").

Plus I fear the retaliation...

The fury of a woman denied her flowers and chocolates and forced-romance is like slapping a sleeping, rabid dog in the face with a T-bone steak. It's just not a smart piece of action.

BUT...

It's the day after! Valentine's is over.

So suck it up...

Because I'm about to dish out a reality check.

With all that build up, I'll also give you the let-down.

Here's the let-down...

   This Rant has little to do with Valentine's.

It's about fact vs fiction. (And how that turns into more money in your business... yes, this IS about your business).

The fiction world paints February 14th as a fairy tale.

A creepy short guy, in a white toga, ruthlessly firing arrows into crowds of innocent people...

Which turns up their love dials...

And immediately prompts them to herd into their local Whatever-Mart and buy anything that's red, silver, shiny or has something to do with bubbles or flowers.

They take their loot home and say "here you go baby, I picked up this retail-store purchased, empty and thoughtless, dust-collecting bit of material-nonsense up for you... because I care."

And love is in the air.

And everyone celebrates love.

Because February 14th, Valentine's Day, is the day of love.

< cue "awwwww" sound effect >

Well...

That's the difference between what the mainstream perceives vs. the truth.

Thanks to wonders like Facebook, we know the true facts.

Valentine's is the start of Break-Up Season.

Never heard of it?

It's a very real phenomenon.

It's the 2-3 weeks, immediately following Valentine's where the peak of relationship statuses across the 800 Million users of Facebook changes to "single".

It is the highest peak 3-week period of break-ups in the entire year.

And it starts with Valentine's Day.

Here's a pretty picture (one of MANY based on this statistic):

 

It's February 15th today...

A bunch of your friends, and possibly even you... are about to get dumped. Maybe not today, but sometime in the next 3 weeks.

Or maybe it happened yesterday, after a fight, when both of you realized "wait, I don't actually care about you THAT much, to go all out and buy you a rose."

Yet the media will have you believe that it's a celebration of love.

And some people prefer the fairy-tale so even after seeing these facts, they'll still go along with the song and dance of Valentine's.

Which I think is terrific.

Because I sell stuff.

And the predictable behaviour of the majority allows my marketing to sell more "stuff".

If you started doing things against the consumer-trends and expected behaviours, it would be harder for me to sell stuff.

:-)

Want more?

The legal world has another fun-statistic for us.

February is the single most popular month for divorce.

The pretty version of false beliefs made popular by media and marketing is ... "Valentine's Celebrates Love"

Instead, the real hard-core (vs soft-core) facts: Valentine's is smack in the middle of the highest divorce filling month of the year and kick-starts the highest peak of all break-ups in the year.

Next time Valentine's rolls around...

Instead of wishing "Happy Valentine's Day" to someone you really care about...

Instead wish them "Good Luck!".

 

"And this relates to my business, how?"

 

Yeah yeah, I'm getting to it.

You see, you (probably), most of your friends (almost certainly) and just about everyone THINKS that Valentine's is a "love" holiday.

But actual fact, suggests the opposite.

Now get ready for the segway...

You've probably made marketing choices and business development decisions based on MANY ideas that seem logical, obvious and intuitive to you.

And you're probably right now, treating much of your business and your sales based on what YOU think is correct.

   Without actually testing the results.

   Without actually surveying your prospects.

   Without actually asking your customers.

   Without really doing your market research.

And there in lies the problem...

See, a marketer (which, to a certain degree EVERY entrepreneur needs to be) knows that you advertise "love and happy relationship" offers before and, of course, on the day of the 14th.

But you then market the "failed relationship, sad and lonely" offers after V-Day because the FACTS tell you that there is a major shift occuring in that period where love really ISN'T in the air.

Self-examination time!

(Not like an in front of a mirror, gropping yourself self-exam ... so sit back down and relax please...)

When was the last time you ran a simple market research survey to your audience?

When was the last time you ran market-testing campaigns to get a feel for what future product or offer might have a lot of REAL interest in the marketplace?

And, of course, how much tracking and split-testing are you doing?

 

Let's Talk Reality Based On Numbers

Knowing Your Market

First off, how important is actually knowing your market?

Well think of the "paid surveys" market for a second.

You know... that often shady industry with a lot of pitches of "you can make $10,000 per month just for filling out surveys".

Those pitches are of course, 100% genuine, Grade-A slices of bullshit.

And, in the online world, some of the lowest-ethics people who, apparently weren't hugged by their mothers enough, are out there hard-selling individuals this garbage.

BUT, brush aside the turds that the industry unfortunately attracts and look at just the industry itself.

The Paid Surveys, Mystery Shoppers, Focus Groups, Get Paid For Your Opinions companies, the REAL ones, are making a killing because Fortune 500 copies and even smaller operations are HUNGRY to find out what their perfect prospect wants and needs.

The paid surveys industry is estimated at $31 Billion per year. (That's a lot of money being spent just to get the opinions of average consumers).

In the various, major "paid survey" directories, there are a combined 70 Million people registered and ready to give opinions.

The idea of paying someone to attend a focus group or answer a short survey about a product line... OR ... giving away samples of a product or sharp discounts on a service in trade for the same... THAT is very real.

I pulled that above image from the page of one my clients.

He owns Surveys And Friends.

   (You can click the link if you want to browse his site. It will open in a new window so you can continue with the Rant first and then go poke around at Surveys And Friends)

Good news...

He's not part of the dark-side.

His company has been in the paid surveys industry since 2005 and viewed as a respected resource and authority.

Surveys and Friends is their newest website (with a little love and help from this fellow Genie).

And hearing him tell stories of some of the major-brand companies and the types of paid-survey promotions that they've run ... it brings the point home of just how important it is to know your market.

Some companies spend in excess of half-million just to really get feedback from their market for a new product. Not to make a sale... just to get their opinions and REALLY test the market!

And yes, okay, you're thinking ... "yes well my small business can't even afford $5000 let alone $500,000, so this isn't relevant to me".

Hang on a minute.

We're a creative bunch you and me. We'll cook up an alternate solution...

Oh snap! I've already got one...

There's NO NEED for you to enter in with the big boys and pay out money for the opinions of others.

So let me whip through what you SHOULD be doing.

In a way that still keeps your budget smiling.

Because who doesn't like a smiling budget??

(I fking love smiling budgets!)

 

Getting the Essential Market Data That Your Profits Are Waiting For

Realize it or not, your profit margin, or more accurately your bottom line is STARVING.

Even if it's in the black and impressively fat, it's still starving.

Because I'm willing to wager, you've never fed it proper market research data.

Which has kept your profit far lower than it should be.

Fix it!

 

What You Should Be Tracking

How many visit.

How many opt-in.

How many buy.

How many stay as members.

How often they log in.

What menu items they click.

How far they scroll down your page.

Which parts of your page or which articles or item are they checking out the most.

I'll stop here because my keyboard is getting tired.

This list can be very long. The more detail, the better.

But for simplicity, you should get the core basics of how many visitors you get, how many opt-ins, what those conversions are (from visitor to lead capture), how many buyers, what menu items people are clicking etc.

But there is so much more.

Get started and at least start tracking SOMETHING. (hint: Google Analytics is your friend... and it's still at the mouth-watering low price of nada. Freebie. Thanks Google.)

 

What You Should Be Surveying

What should you get your visitors, subscribers and buyers telling you?

EVERYTHING ideally.

But they won't.

Do you know why Facebook is the most beautiful place on earth for an advertiser?

Because they have 800 million accounts.

Half of them are nearly daily users.

And the vast majority of those are stocked to the tits with just-awesome amount of valueable information.

On facebook, if you wanted to target single, females, from Vancouver, between the ages of 19-25, who Like cooking, Like Family Guy, Like tattoos (and therefore likely have tattoos), are fans of Pearl Jam, have Beach listed in their interests, AND have previous work history as a trained massage therapist ... you could slowly but surely hone in an ad and target specifically to those girls.

   (And if you end up reaching them, please refer them my way).

Because Facebook is data-gold.

Or for the ladies... Facebook is data-diamond rings.

It's precious stuff.

And if you knew all of the same data about every visitor to your page, every lead you've captured, every prospect, every buyer ... you'd be deciding on colors right now for your own private jet.

Data is valuable.

In reality, you will NOT be able to ask anything more than maybe a couple of dozen questions though.

And usually, you can gather fantastic value from just one of two questions:

   (1) Please list the top 3 reasons why you did X
(such as you why you bought, why you registered, why you visited us, why you used your account, why you requested a sample, etc)...

   (2) Please list the top 3 reasons why you didn't X
(same as above but didn't).

That's a little too simple for my liking but that right there is MARKETING POWER.

Worth more than a facy $2000 marketing course.

More than some snazzy overpaid advice.

DATA is power.

It's like being able to throw ninja stars while drunk.

You immediately enter the elite of the elite.

So get yourself some data.

(Or ninja stars).

 

Some Better Tips...

If you're asking someone to give you valuable data and feedback, it will cost them time. What do THEY get out of it?

Don't be a wallet-pincher on this one.

ESPECIALLY if you're an information product merchant.

I've worked with physical merchandise / general consumer goods but the majority of my work has been in various markets of digital "information products" (courses, software, services).

Where the cost of each good is $0.

This next bit is punchline material...

It's so sadly funny, it belongs in a comic skit.

Here you have an industry of business owners, who have digital courses that cost $0 to deliver (beyond the obvious advertising and hard-costs like servers, domains, staffing etc)... but the product's fullfilment, once created, is $0 ...

They want to sell tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of copies.

   (because we're greedy little fkers like that. Once we realize we can sell 1 of something, we think why not 10 sales? And then why not 10,000.)

They study up on how to do a big launch. "Launches baby! It's where the money is."

They then chase webinars. "Webinars is the easy big bucks!"

And then they try Facebook advertising. "Oh yeah! This just got real! I'm about to make a killing.".

And right about here, they give up.

Because their offer is converting poorly.

And their fantasy-land of how quickly they'll sell a lot of copies (like the Valentine's "love" fantasy) doesn't end up matching the reality that they really are struggling to sell any copies.

Of course, to attract affiliates, they'll make up exaggerated or completely fabricated claims about conversions.

But what they don't do... is the one step that I hope is becoming extremely obvious...

They don't ask their prospects (!!!!!) why they are or aren't buying and enticing them to give this answer with a free copy of the product.

   Bouncing ball here.... follow me for a minute ...

An information product merchant launches a new course.

It retails for $149. Entirely digital.

Costs $0 to fullfill it (after development).

With their various efforts, they drive 1000 visitors to the new offer's page.

Let's say 1% buy just for simple math.

That's 10 buyers from 1000 visitors.

990 NON buyers.

For those 990 visitors, why not offer the course for free in trade for why they were about to leave without buying?

Or why they still haven't bought after 14-days.

(Sidenote: To be fair, also consider refunding the first 10 buyers. Turning them into extremely excited fans. Give them a surprise refund but ask them to tell you what primary reasons prompted them to buy).

From that 990, most will ignore your invite.

That's human nature. If we said no to you once, we're much quicker to jusay say no to you again without giving you a fair chance.

(Example: Invite a woman back to your place for sex, statistically, she'll say no.
If you then attempt to ask her back instead for "tea", she's still very likely to say no. Partly because, who the hell invites someone back to their place for tea these days... but also because she already said No.)

But maybe 1/3rd takes you up on your "free copy if you tell us why" offer. (I don't know the stats of how many will take you up on it, but most won't).

Let's call it 300 out of the 990. That's a fair guesstimate.

You now end up with 300 of your perfect-prospects telling you why they were about to leave without buying or why, after 14 (or whatever X) days, they still haven't bought.

This is where your guesstimates, assumptions, perceptions, theories and intuition become irrelevant.

Because you're now holding data from 300 non-buyers and 10-buyers.

And they are TELLING YOU their hot-buttons and their turn-offs.

In fact... let me turn this into a sexy analogy. That's the obvious next step.

SEX ANALOGY...

If 10 of your past lovers who absolutely loved their time with you filled out a detailed survey telling you what they enjoyed the most...

And 300 of your past lovers who just had an okay time filled out a survey telling you why your moves were as lame and dull as Pictionary-games night with the parents ...

What would all this tell you?

I mean, first off, it would probably tell you that you're a tad bit on the extremely-slutty side (that goes for MAN or woman... men you're not excused from my labels here).

But what insights would it tell you if 200 out of 300 non-impressed lovers tell you "You had me going until you did that thing where you flicked me in the eye with your thumb".

To me, that would istantly tell me to stop flicking people in the eye. It's not helping.

What if out of the 10 satisfied bedroom-dance-partners, 8 of them tell you that they loved that thing you do with your toes ...

(I have NO IDEA what "that thing you do with your toes" could be. You're the sick bastard, you figure it out.)

But it would clearly tell me, that for most people, the toe-trick is a winner.

Okay enough sex. Back to work.

The point is simple...

Find out from your prospects why they buy or use your product versus why they don't.

The digital information world has this VERY easy.

But many would rather not give out 300 free copies (to 300 people who weren't going to buy ANYWAYS).

Instead they'd rather chase new launch tactics and selling gimmicks.

Result? Most info-product merchants are broke and desperate. Even if they have a killer product, they have a piss-poor attack plan and they are NOT gathering vital data.

 

Merchandise and Physical Goods

Right...

So what about you kids with them physical stuff.

   Your organic skin care products.

   Your boxing coaching business.

   Your truck accessories company.

   Your home gym equipment.

In fact, let's start with that last one...

One company is releasing a new piece of home-gym goodness.

10 years in the making.

They have 2 primary models for the home gym.

One is roughly $800.

The other is $1800.

*THEY* won't be giving out 300 free copies of their product anytime soon like the info-product guys.

For that matter, an organic skin care manufacturer might have $5-$10 of hard-costs associated with each bottle.

Sometimes more.

They wouldn't necessarily want to pump out $3000 worth of free products either.

So what do do instead??

Like I said... we're a creative bunch. There's always a solution.

Let me just go ahead and rub the lamp for a minute.

(Please turn away. This is private time).

Okay... back to it.

The skin care company shouldn't be dishing out their full product as a freebie, but they should get samples packets which are usually $1-$2 each and should aim to get 500 of those out for free. In trade for survey answers.

That $500 - $1000 of free samples costs will be worth more to them long term than just about any other business decision.

(I probably exaggerated that last statement. But I'm a marketer. It's what I do. Leave me alone.)

And, again, in their case too... I'd give refunds to buyers in trade for them telling me WHY THEY BOUGHT.

Not just the non-buyers.

As for the $1800 fitness equipment company, making "sample sizes" isn't an option either.

But discount coupons? Free in-home training session with one of their fitness trainers for 1 hour?

Or even a damned water bottle with their company logo on it.

Or keychain ring if you want to be super-lame about it.

(Sidenote: The water bottle and keychain ring are both lame examples of cheap branded merchandise. Don't use those examples. Get creative. Something fun or practical. Something they'd carrry around with them. Something memorable. Something not as entirely lame as a water bottle...)

This rant is getting out of hand.

Even for a Rant.

But are you on the same page now? Did you learn these 2 important points...

      1) Valentine's is evil. (Sound out 'love' backwards and you'll see what I mean.... and yes I stole that from Eminem).

      2) Surveys and samples, tracking and data are your friends. Do more of this in the first days. When you're rolling out the new site and new offer. Sacrifice the early profits so that you can set yourself up for easier long term profits... otherwise you could find yourself chasing your tail and thinking Valentine's is a "love" holiday when, the simple facts would clearly tell you that it's an "anti-relationships" holiday. (translation: you'd be operating your business based off of assumptions and preceived notions vs real, hard, facts)

 

Public Service Announcement By Me This rant is not an anti-relationships rant. If that's what you got of it... stop effing skim reading! :-p Slow it down a second there McQuick. The message is that what we might perceive as truth, isn't necessarily indiciated by reality. So go hug your loved partner and cuddle it up for a while. Do it. Do your love and relationships stuff. But just because you WANT Valentine's to be all about love, it really isn't. Much more importantly... You wanting your webpage visitors to love your sharp orange colored bakcground, doesn't mean they do. Maybe it's scaring them away too quick and not giving your sales message a chance. Or you wanting your subscribers to love your HTML heavy emails, doesn't mean it's actually benefing your goals. Maybe the images don't load proper or your design forces them to side-scroll and they are cursing you with each email they read. Or your customers liking that you only accept certain payment formats, or have a tough-to-track-down customer support desk... doesn't mean they do. And it could be costing you missed sales and resulting in higher refunds. Separate what YOU like and wish was reality from what the numbers and your own audience tells you. Ask questions. Give people an incentive to answer. And then go profit big with their answers. If this tactic is good enough for the heavy hitters who run paid-surveys campaigns frequently, a smaller, bite-sized version of it definitely needs to be good enough for your business too.

 

Here's Why I'm Not A Shitty Valentine's Date

I didn't buy you flowers.

(Men... you're probably happy about that... So am I.)

They'd die out in a week anyways... and then you wouldn't have an artificial reminder of just how much I care.

So instead, I've got a sweeter gift for you.

Me.

4-Hours with me, to be exact.

For $500.

It will be a lamp-rubbing good time.

You see... in those 4 hours, we'll get some very passionate, results-oriented business work done.

If you're a male, we'll skip the "passionate" bit and just stay focused on results-oriented.

If you're a married woman, just don't tell the husband and we're good. It is February after all... there's a good chance you're filing divorce papers right now. (Or maybe the husband is and he just hasn't told you yet).

The point though is RESULTS-oriented work together.

If you read my "anti-Consultant" speal on pages 76-78 of my I Quit Internet Marketing report (you can download it for free right .... about .... here: www.IQuitIM.com), then you know that the guys who just read books and home-study courses on business and marketing and then sell "snazzy sounding ideas" are what the typical "Consultant" is.

I'm not much of a fan of that.

I'm pretty sure NOBODY is much of a fan of that.

So that's not what I dish out.

What I dish out is simple.

Here are 3 bite sized steps to how I work with you...

   (1) I first understand your current business, your project, your product, your goals, your objectives and your pitfalls. All that good stuff.

   (2) Step deux (that's french. I'm smart like that). ... step deux ... I assume myself in your role. As if that was my business, my product, my goals. Which also means, I think of it as if that was my time, my resources and my money on the line.

   (3) And based on the above, I give you the priority steps, changes, obvious leaks, resources+tools+references, exact action steps, tactics and the "do this, do this, then do this" that maximizes our time together and GUARANTEES you leave with the "oh wow" face.

I think I'm around 96+ clients now. 34+ industries. 100% satisfaction.

I plan to keep it that way.

So you being happy is promised. (I'm good at dishing out the 'oh wow' face).

Afterwards... if you're game... we'll go whiz around on my carpet.

Or I'll do "that thing with my toes" for you.

... I have managed to creep myself out ...

No, no but seriously.

You. Me. Your business. 4-hours.

The 4-hours won't be one long marathon session. There's never a logical reason for that. We'll spend it as needed.

And the 4-hours you buy from this Valentine's Love Special price with me can be used up anytime in the next 12 months. We can start the clock in a few days or a few months. You're the big-boss.

 

This Valentine's Love Special is Available For 10 People (Or 8 People and 2 Ninja Turtles.)

Q: Rob, is this another one of those bullshit fake-fear of loss things that most marketers use to make me think there's only 10 spots?

A: I'm glad you asked! 10 people costs me 40-hours of working on somebody else's business. And I have my own company to run as well. So yes, the limited-quantity is legit. ("Legit": Word made popular in the early 90s. Used best while wearing overly baggy and shiny pants.)

 

 

P.S. Need stuff actually done for you. I have peoples for that too. Copywriting, webpages, blogs, graphics... it can all be done. Just not for the same slutty-low $500 price that I've made myself available for here. But get in touch if you need reliable work for any part of your business. Otherwise hit the colorful button below and let's you and me get to work...